I am UPSET.

I am totally dysregulated.

And I have a headache.

. . .

Tonight in my last night at this wonderful in-patient unit, I sat in an empty chair facing the dining room. I had three people in my new phone book who I wanted to stay in touch with after this admission.

The first person sat down across from me and we had a great conversation. (As always). Then one of the other two sat at a different table, but we got eye contact and didn’t speak.

The third person entered the room, and the person across from me AM said about the person who entered ‘he is a nice guy’. I said, ‘hey, come and sit down with us’ and he did. I had already got AM’s number, and he disappeared somewhere, but I sat with BM and talked to him about a cognitive treatment he is considering (ECT). I counselled him, and it was OK, until he pulled out his phone and started playing word games. I played two with him, then I got a big headache, and so went to ask the nurse for paracetamol.

…

It hurts.

…

We swapped some playlist links, and then, the other table started playing Elvis Presley songs, and by that time I just couldn’t handle it anymore. Then BM started talking about movies, particularly a movie about a murder of a young woman, and going into the details. It was the last straw. You know how this affects me. I told him that it was triggering to me.

Then he started browsing through movies on his phone, and I just lost the plot.

I had to go.

I am not okay.

. . .