The problem I have had since the start of this festive season, and what I interpret as a push to fly somewhere away from here, is very simply ‘functional freeze’. It can be a negative symptom of my ‘illness’, and it is likely due to some kind of trauma in childhood that makes me simply stop and take no action whatsoever.

It feels cruel that I have seemingly lost the love in my life and am now in a process of breaking up, due to this feature of my psychology that I have very little control over right now.

Someone in my network suggested a particular type of psychological treatment for this trauma response, which sounds interesting.

The bigger problem is trying to be in two places at once. And perhaps the trust that I put into either side of this triangle.