I realised something funny today too.

You see my psychiatrist mentioned that she thought I was a ‘very interesting lady’.

(in that moment, I should have said ‘I had a lot of help from my friend’, but I was still FEELING BAD about that.)

I wasn’t sure why, but I said ‘I love learning’

Later, I told my Mum, and in that moment, I saw the problem.

My mum wants my company, (when she is not in a hurry), but my Mum, was SURPRISED that my psychiatrist found me ‘Interesting’.

I heard it in her voice.

And it was then I realised, in that moment, perhaps the reason I have been so ISOLATED and frightened all its life, is because my mother simply doesn’t BELIEVE that anyone else would care for me, or like me,

Another example. The Darul who I asked to help her with her maintenance and security, made her feel secure. . . But I wrote them both an email which said I was concerned about something on the server (and that I was in HOSPITAL). She got so mad at me about that. ‘Darul doesn’t need to know that you are in hospital’ she said.

To which Darul let her know (after I told him she got mad at me), that I was his friend first. And that he cares about me.

((And she can literally PUT THAT IN HER PIPE AND SMOKE IT), hgaha