The next question that comes to my mind in the intervening hours is: ‘Is blogging making me narcissistic’? I am very ashamed to say this out loud. It doesn’t represent the person that I want to be in the world. However, I guess sometimes some space can lead to a clearer perspective, and what I have noticed today is that perhaps I am a little more self-absorbed and less empathetic than I was before this chapter of blogging began. :’-(

Thankfully, it doesn’t necessarily have to be this way. Or at least so one writer suggested. I can choose what kind of blogger I want to be. Maybe I could write about other people more. Or perhaps I could share my personal perspective a little less. Stick to the facts, perhaps. I am not entirely sure how I could transform these pages into places that don’t supply some kind of fragile and false ego, but I want to try. Some bloggers are narcissists, and some aren’t. But for those who are aware of the dangers of letting all the attention and validation feed this kind of personality disorder, it seems that a choice can be made.

And so, perhaps in the time until 3 p.m. tomorrow, I will ponder how I could use my words in a way that would build more selfless kinds of connection, community, and empathy, and less self-promotion, or self-absorbed attention-seeking writing (ouch!!). It is tricky, and maybe I need some help to work it out!!

The value of kindness

At the core of this desire to change is the fact that I truly aspire towards kindness and empathy. It feels good to be kind. It feels good to be empathetic. I admire people who are these things greatly. This is the kind of person I want to be too. From what I have read, and what I understand, we are not born with kindness, it needs to be learned. And it seems to me that some activities, like support work, point my compass towards kindness, while others (like perhaps my current form of blogging point my compass towards selfishness, or (eek!!) narcissism). When I am supporting people to get the most out of their lives in ways that make sense to them, I feel myself getting kinder and kinder inside. I work that muscle and it feels like where I want to be.

And the obvious question that comes to my mind now, is if I should be forgoing working on these pages to put more energy into my real life. It deserves some consideration, I think.

Maybe, I can transform these pages into the kind of writing that points my compass in the same direction. We will see! A big ask, I know! These words are all about me. And I get a lovely reward of attention and validation from you. But I will die trying to work out how to blog, without turning into a monster!

Hope you’re doing well! xx

Image credit:

“Conda De Satriano (Italian, circa 1893), ‘Narcissus’” by sofi01 is licensed under CC BY-NC 2.0.