Help!!

I have no idea what I am doing now.
I have tried so many times to get on that train to my home. And I am not even sure why it feels so important to get there. . . There seems to be no rational basis for the imperative. . . And yet, today I feel beaten. . . I feel like I can’t get there. I could still catch a plane today, I suppose.

What is the point of being there? Why does it feel so important to be home?

Wouldn’t it be better to go through with the work shifts that I have committed to here? I feel like that is the most practical thing to do, , , but I am just so weak right now.

I need a reason for getting on that plane and getting home. . . is it just to heal my nervous system?