I am sorry about the ‘Here comes the sun’ tragedy. I hope I still have that track somewhere. It might be difficult to listen to initially, because I feel guilty that the opportunity may have been squandered through my callous devil side, however, of course I l.o.v.e itttt. . ((sorry if I did you wrong)).

The worst thing about it all is that it could have been nice my birthday. I am so sorry that I missed this gig: https://www.melbournerecital.com.au/whats-on/current-productions/nyilamum-song-cycles

Two of my close friends even said they were interested in it, but I couldn’t organise a fu#k in a brothel, hmmmm. . .

What is WRONG with meeeee?

It was so hard to try and organise my birthday. After the very stressful period of time in May which I had been dreading, and was just very, very sad for me, , , (I shoulda asked my Dad to come), if only I had taken the cue abouot the passport photos. . . 🙁

Time moves in one direction, and it wsa just another year of not being able to stand up and take action in my life. I have been talking to my psychologist about this. . . He said the other day that I have been talking about instigating social happenings more. . . I love it when I am invited somewhere, I just don’t have the wherewithal to suggest (or ‘deal’) a happening myself. . . Ouch!

So my birthday. . . I was stresssing about it ever since Astro left the country, , , I didn’t know what to do. . . I don’t like being the centre of attention, and I thought it might be nice to spend the weekend with my friends and parents down on the Mornington Peninsular, but I wsa still quite tender socially from the previous psychosis or the grief from missing AStro. . .

Network

I didn’t know who to ask about it either. My social butterfly bestie asked me if I wanted her to organise it, and I said I didn’t, because that would have been horrible maybe. I needed to organise it myself, but who to talk it over with?

My mum was worried about what I was doing and rang about 6 weeks beforehand saying she would get a sitter for their doglet, but I couldn’t accept that for some reason. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to see her and DAd. It was more that if that week was locked in for them I would be forced to stay in Melbourne, and I had expressed the idea of just running away to Singapore or Bali or Japan or New Zealand on my own, so that I wouldn’t have to deal wtih any of it.

Every time during that time I would spend time with my friends and come away thinking that company is what I wanted and needed, but I didn’t know what form that would take, , , and I forgot. . .

*big sigh (nicotine craving)

Milestone birthdays

I had to laugh when my old Bestie Det from Wollongong told me that this is the thing with 50ths. ‘If you have a good time you are not doing it right!’ His partner was sick in bed with a roaring fever and had to cancel the hike they had booked for her 50th. My social butterfly friend broke her arm a couple of months before her 50th and on the actual day wsa told that her contract would be ending – so she lost her job on her 50th birthday, , , what fun, hey?!